“‘Do you want to leave soon?’ ‘No, I want enough time to be in love with everything…and I cry because everything is so beautiful and so short.’”Marina Keegan
I did a thing. A thing I’m not even sure would ever happen. I graduated college! I’m officially a gal with her B.A. I’m an alum of the University of Virginia.
I wasn’t sure if the fact of graduation would ever hit me, but currently I am sitting in my New York City bedroom (which sounds way more glamorous than it actually is) after yesterday’s 8 hour trip home. Graduation weekend flew by, which I’m grateful for. It can be stressful to have family around with their competing desires and your opposing ones especially on a big day like graduation.
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I will be taking a few weeks off the blog and wanted to write this post as a little update on my life. When I return I’ll update you on next steps and what this summer will be like, as I’m still trying to figure it all out.
This quote was the quote I had as my lockscreen ALL fourth year long. Marina’s words, a balm to my soul. I knew the time would pass so quickly. I knew that goodbyes were just around the corner. I just wanted enough time to soak up every last bit of what college had to offer me. And that’s not to say that college was perfect. If you read the blog, you’d know that it wasn’t. It wasn’t like anything I expected it to be. Instead, it was different but good. A life that was jam packed with growth and a schedule that was often way too much to carry. Lots of laughter and sometimes tears. Moments where I felt loneliness like never before and where beauty stretched out before me like I couldn’t have ever imagined.
Somehow, someway, without my noticing, graduation kind of snuck up on me.
Something I wrote in my notes app Saturday night after I graduated:
Whoever I will be next, will be different than who I am now.
Pause! I’m hearing church bells chime as my bedroom window is open. What a pretty sound!
Back to the action.
Who I am now has changed since I attended orientation in July 2018. I know so much more about myself, about my faith, about Russian literature and media, and how to make a podcast and single handedly moving out and friendship and grief and Virginia and more.
The orientation in which I view the world will change as I reorient myself within it. And I get to be with that change openly, receiving it with open hands.
In graduation, there is so much joy. This day is wonderful because it’s a culmination of all you’ve worked for and you’ve longed for. But there is loss inherent too. I think far too often we celebrate graduation or even gravitate towards what’s next without considering what we are losing.
I’m losing a lot.
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I’m a degree hotter (sorry, I couldn’t resist), but I’m losing so much. The communities that I’ve spent the last four years building–the threads of one on one friendships, the Study Center where I worked (+ fell really hard for a boy that didn’t like me), IV, and more.
The loss hasn’t quite hit me yet, but I know it will. I know it’s supposed to.
Last week when I chatted with the legend John Godfrey (just an all around cool dude with a cool name), I was amazed at the threads that kept coming up between what I’ve learned and Shauna Niequist’s book I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet. Things like make peace with reality, there are seasons to say no and seasons to say yes, and you need to trust only what’s in front of you.
Everything is shorter than I thought it was and sometimes it makes it hard to live into fully, but I’m glad I’m here now. I spent the last four years growing and learning and it was beautiful and it was short (and hard and long too).
I will eventually share grad photos when I have them, but here are a few to make you laugh and bring you some joy.
If you’re graduating, congrats! May you leave a new season well and enter the next with peace.
Last but not least: I have worn the Honor of honors. I have graduated from the University of Virginia.