Lately in the middle of the hustle and bustle of college, I’ve been feeling kind of lost. It’s like I’ve been wandering around, in the dark, grasping and striving for something to all make sense, for my college experience to click together perfectly. I know that have plenty of posts about embracing the present and accepting life for what it is – but this feeling of being lost is one I can’t quite shake.
I’m not freaking out about my major or whether or not UVA is the right school for me. It’s the tinier, subtle things that are starting to get to me. It’s trying to figure out whether or not I want to join a sorority. It’s looking for the right activities to invest my time in. It’s trying to pick and choose who I should be intentional with and how.
Growing up, I was the person who took three hours to make a decision about what candy I wanted. Even now, the simplest of decisions that have no weight on my future take time for me. I’ll go back and forth on the menu because everything is something amazing. I once lamented to my friends that no matter what, I’d probably regret my decision because I didn’t have that other thing.
I kind of wish I was sure of my path.
That sounds strange, but there are people who really have firm ideas about what they want to do at a place like UVA, who their people are, and where their futures’ are headed. I am not one of those people.
Honestly, feeling lost sucks. Feeling like every move you make leads nowhere or that no paths are in your favor feels isolating. The worst part is being in college and watching everyone else around you figure it out – they’ve got the friends, they’ve found community, they’ve got their future figured out and here you are, watching it all unfold.
Motivating myself to do things when I feel no purpose where I am can feel conflicting. Even knowing, I’m in a place of feeling lost leaves me frustrated. I’m nowhere near where I want to be.
Maybe it’s envy, but I can’t help but wish I didn’t feel so lost. So overwhelmed by all of the decisions before me. So stuck in the life I’m in.
The rhythms of this world are too harsh on our souls.
It’s easy to move and move and move, and never quite stop and ask ourselves “Where are we going?” “Do we want to go there?” It’s easy to look around us and let the path of others be the way we mark our own paths. In all of this movement and distraction, we end up exhausted and confused. Too tired to let our lungs take in the air we need to breathe.
I can honestly say I don’t have the answers.
I don’t know where to turn to head back on the path I was before. I’m not even sure if that path was for me anyway. All I know is that there are seasons, and this is mine. Even though it feels lonely and dark, I’ll stay here.
Signing off, Gigi
Dear friends, I hope you aren’t struggling with feeling lost. If you know how to deal with it, leave a comment below with your suggestions.