I didn’t really have a post ready to go for this week, so this week is kind of a mashup of some of the thoughts I’ve been thinking and things I’ve been loving. It’ll be a mishmash so just join me in the wild adventure of my brain. Just thoughts on pain, letting go, abundance, and heck lot more.
Yes, I KNOW. It’s weird to say that I’ve been thinking a lot about pain but I have. I’ve been noticing it because I checked my notes app, and the thoughts that I scroll through are kind of wild. A big part of my relationship with God is learning to acknowledge past pain even if I don’t always respond well to Him. Lately, I’ve been watching my friends walk through heartbreak and the wounds in the back of my mind are resurfacing, so pain feels like the likely thing to ponder.
I don’t have any solutions. But that’s okay.
I actually think I need to learn to sit. To sit in the grief I’m feeling. To sit in the anger. To sit in the hurt. Even if I feel hurt by God.
Whether I like it or not, I have to accept the reality of pain in this world. Even if it brings up more questions that I have time to ask.
Related Post: Meet Me Here
002. Egypt and Daniel
Don’t ask me how but after reading Matthew, I decided that I either wanted to read Exodus or Daniel. And then I just decided to read both.
And I’ve just been noticing them EVERYWHERE. I made a list. I read Deep River by Howard Thurman and he connects them! I was listening to Bridgetown teaching on prayer that mentioned Daniel. I went to Family Feud trivia and there was both a question on the plagues of Exodus and the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in Daniel 3. When I was scrolling on TikTok, I watched a TikTok on the Israelites knowing God as provider. In Daniel, there’s a reference to God’s “mighty hand” in Egypt.
My thought on the connection is that both books promise deliverance. We see the deliverance in Exodus but in Daniel, it’s a promise not yet fulfilled. Maybe I’m just seeing things, but these are a lot of coincidences just to be a stroke of luck.
003. Graduation is imminent
Not that I needed reminding. But yes, this is true. And I’m finally starting to feel ready. It kind of hit me after last week’s Family Feud that I’m ready to let this go. My ties are severing. Some of them are easy to let fray. Others, I can’t imagine, how hard it will be to accept the severing. But last night, I found myself daydreaming about graduation.
It’s coming. But I’m not scared. I’m starting to be ready.
004. Being counter cultural
Jesus is so dang counter cultural. It’s one of the most compelling parts of him. The faith calls up to adopt his practices. An IG post by agirlnalledblake reminded me of this. So I wrote down some counter cultural rhythms I want to get better at practicing.
- Sleep (a decent amount regularly)
- Silence and solitude
- Limit consumption
- Limit activities (don’t fill your schedule too much)
Key things for me are rest and attention.
Related Post: The paradox of rest in American culture
005. Simone Weil
I first read of Simone Weil in Dorothee Soelle’s Suffering. I Googled her, and I found out that she’s a French theologian and activist.
A recent quote of hers I enjoyed:
Grace enters and fills the empty space wherever there is a void to receive it.
Her idea of attention is something I’ve been mulling over.
Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love.
006. Late blooms and all that jazz
I posted this idea to Instagram a little bit ago.
“I was talking to someone today and they had mentioned how all the flowers that had bloomed had already fallen, and then I thought maybe it’s just the premature bloom, maybe the real bloom comes later.”
Hope this keeps you hopeful for what’s around the corner, gentle reader.
Calling is the most amorphous thing ever. However, I think I’ve zeroed in on some things. I LOVE hearing people’s faith journeys. I love hearing about where they’ve seen God in their life, and asking them to share those stories is setting up an Ebenezer-here I mark the place where God met me and was faithful. I think (and there’s a heavy emphasis on think) I’m called to be a witness, to listen in close and speak words of wisdom. I have NO idea what that looks like, but I’m excited about taking the next step to get there.
008. Letting go
A dear friend sent me a quote “Letting go is a practice.” I desperately needed to hear that.
After clinging to a reality that was not manifesting (in any form whatsoever) for far too long, I’ve realized that I have to let it go. If it’s meant to be, in any form, I’m not going to be the one bringing it to fruition. A prayer that came to me was “Father, teach me to relinquish what is not mine to hold.”
And this is so hard because I so desperately want to cling to people. But I cannot force a connection. I can try and make myself available and show them that I care, but I can’t force it to happen.
So let go. Do yourself a favor: stop watering dead plants.
Related Post: Dreams, Grief, and Fruit
Courage is moving afraid. It’s when you have 0 answers and make a decision. It’s when you zig when everyone wants you to zag. It’s taking a chance when the risk seems so likely. It’s saying no to provision when you know the abundance will show up at the right time.
I’m in dire need of building up my courage. There are relationships in my life, namely family, where I just need to make myself heard even if it’s uncomfortable. I need to stand up for what I believe is right, even if I’m on the receiving end of a lot of opposition.
What’s key here is affirmation. The times in the past when I’ve done the thing that everyone told me not to do. When I went with my hope instead of my fear, when I did what I thought was right, those are the times I look back on as faithful to the Lord. And that’s the only thing I want to be at the end of the day-faithful to One who calls me daughter.
I have a hard time believing God’s abundance towards me. And while I have seen many prayers in my life answered that are contrary to this, the core belief doesn’t change. Part of it is that we live in a world ruled by scarcity. We keep buying because we “need” more, but in reality, we’re just scared that what we hold onto won’t last.
Because the truth of the matter is that it won’t. Life does not consist of the abundance of possessions. But I think abundance when it comes to God is a well that never runs dry. It doesn’t necessarily translate into things. It’s a promise of something greater-his presence.
God is a God of surprises and abundantly more. Often, when I think he’s not moving, he shifts the pieces of my life into something I’d never ask for but something that is greater than what I could have conceived of. And so I’m still trying to believe his abundance towards me.
011. Miracle of the Mind
Listen to Miracle of the Mind by Amanda Cook. Enough said.
Related Post: books and songs of spring 2022
012. On the “shoulds”
There are A LOT of people telling you what you should do. I’m a big proponent in going to others for advice and taking stock of what they’ve said. On the other hand, you do not have to do what you feel like you should. Your vision doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s for it to be good.
Be careful with doing something because you feel like you “should.”
It’s easy to get caught up in what others want for you that you forget what you want for yourself. Personally, I’m in the camp of acting in faith where you believe the Lord is calling you. It’s okay to say no if you believe the Lord is calling you elsewhere. Be intentional to watch the hand of God in your life and to follow where he leads.
Those are my mishmap of thoughts lately. Kind of awkward that it ranges from pain to abundance but that’s life right now. Thanks for reading, friend!