hope in the job hunt

Dear friends! As I write this, I am procrastinating on writing a cover letter for a cool job. My internship will end in a few months and the nagging from family members has already begun. I had a productive morning sprucing up my resume and now it’s time to grease the wheels and get back into applying again. One thing I will do for sure this time in my job hunt, unlike my long year of unemployment, is to pray for favor. Pray that doors open that I couldn’t open but God can.

There’s been a storm all weekend long. The rain goes and comes in waves and it’s easier to be inside rather than elsewhere. I was working on a knit project earlier, but that had its own frustration. The thing about job hunting is that it’s ultimately about being okay with rejection. Grad school was a crash course in rejection. But over these last few years, I’ve grown tender. I’ve grown weary. The more I walk with God, the more I see how much suffering there is to bear. How the crosses of life are inevitable. Wishing you were elsewhere is an exercise of futility. I hope someday soon I move away from New York City, somewhere slower, somewhere I can keep up with the pace of my own soul.

One thing my generation has honed in on, for better or worse, is that life isn’t all about work. Especially when that work doesn’t afford you a place to live, or as groceries just seem to get more expensive. There’s a point where the work stress clouds your mind, and it’s just not worth it. Perhaps that’s why we’re called the lazy generation. I know I for one shrink against suffering. I don’t think we should toil for toil’s sake. Struggle is only worth it if there’s a reward in the end, and these days, that reward seems harder and harder to acquire.

…

I am back! I return a day and six job applications later. It’s hard to discern the path in front of you, particularly when it can be so different for everyone. At least doctors and lawyers know what’s coming – they know what classes to take and where to focus their energies. The one word for how everything feels these days is precarious. But I’m proud of myself.

Despite the discouragement and the worry, I am trying anyway. Despite the darkening days and cooler mornings, I am doing my best to try to pick a direction and take a step. It’s hard to compare the plan I had for my life with the reality of my current days (and the future beckoning down the line). 

Related Post: what they don’t tell you about adulthood

I finished Middlemarch. (I may do a separate post on books soon!) I went from hating Dorothea to sympathising with her to being amazed by her. It’s one thing to have zeal. It’s quite another to persist in that zeal by doing a good thing even though you are hurting. I admire her for that. Given all the twists and turns of Middlemarch, as much as I want to dive into the world of Wessex by Thomas Hardy, I’m not quite ready for that level of devastation.

The best way to keep encouraged is to be reminded of the things you love and their abundance in this world. I am excited to enjoy book #15 of the Mitford series by my dear Jan Karon! But take some time to enjoy something you love. Do yourself a favor and drink some hot chocolate, light a candle, and cozy up with some blankets.

At the end of the day, I’ve got to choose to believe that there is something greater happening, a bigger tapestry than I can understand being woven in the daily threads of my life. Perhaps that’s the hardest part of faith: believing when you might never get the chance to understand.

Ending this sweet and short blog post with a current song obsession: Dangerous by Gracie Binion.

Be at rest, dear friends.

Sincerely,

Gigi