you have to be an active participant in your own life

As a perpetual lover of a good book and sitcom, it seemed like life was always happening. You stepped outside and met the person who offered you a new job. You hung out with a friend and somehow got caught up in a magical moment with a new special person. You crossed the street and you were faced with the past in an old familiar face. It’s a subtle theme underlying the shows and the books that the things that make a life just happen to waltz in. Unfortunately for me, I believed it.

I spent a good portion of my first year of college (and plenty of time) afterwards feeling lonely. Though I heard stories of people finding their people through their roommates or in the first few weeks after classes started, that wasn’t the case for me. Looking back now, I have one friend who I knew from my first year of college and we didn’t even become friends until our fourth year. 

Friendship was a deliberate thing for me, and it still is. Whether it’s texting friends to check in or inviting someone out to coffee or going to that social event where you really only know one person. It takes effort. 

Related Post: How to build a deep friendship

You really have to be an active participant in your own life. Life does not just happen to you.

Those New Years’ resolutions don’t just happen (though I wish they did). I have to make decisions on how I order my days so that I’m reaching my goals, often setting aside what I want now for what I want most. 

It’s funny. Job hunting is such an active process. You create and edit your resume. You search for openings and network. You keep applying until you get interviews, til you get an offer. A lot more of life is like that than it is sliding into your dream life.

When I feel convicted about my lack of stewarding my health, I actually have to take steps to get outside or lift up some weights. Drink water. Be stricter about my sleep schedule. There’s an intentionality required to get where you want to be.

We don’t drift into the best versions of ourselves or our best lives. 

The paradox is that when you’re actually intentional with your life, life tends to open you up to what you want. A few months ago, I went to a language learning group and met someone who connected me to another person who wanted to learn some French. The first step has to be active. 

Related Post: memories I want to keep from this week 🥀

Oftentimes, we’re told to wait and be patient, but some of us need to be reminded that we have agency and we don’t always have to wait for our lives to begin. We can begin floundering in our attempts and we’ll make it up as we go along.

So go to that show in your town and try to spark up a conversation with your neighbor. Join a book club. Or become a regular at your coffee shop if you want to meet more people. Find a knitting workshop if you want to learn advanced knitting techniques or join a crew of hikers if you want to be more active and see nature’s beauty. Life, on its most mundane days, probably won’t happen to you, so be a little more active to see a change.

Signing off, 

Gigi