With greyer days and longer nights, the changes in the air are prompting us to consider a deeper kind of rest. As it gets closer to the holidays, there is often an anxious quality to our activity, to make each moment the most productive, to be “worthy” of our rest. The reality is we find ourselves in the holidays season to burnt out to enjoy the time we have set aside, like Tolkein said, we are too little butter scraped over too much toast.
In my own busy season, I have found it important to consider margin a key component to resisting burnout. Days filled to the brim and reaching the evening exhausted are just a recipe for disaster. In my college years, little gaps between classes would allow me time to eat, listen to music or podcasts, and just be without worrying about how much “needed” to get done. I fear that as we fill up the little gaps in our lives we will find ourselves depleted and without reserves. What’s needed is margin, a way to replenish those reserves, especially in busier times.
Set rest as an appointment
If you are anything like me, the busier you are, the more necessary it is to stick to a calendar. That way there are no missing appointments and you can keep track of your days on a week to week basis. Add rest to your calendar.
For example, I have a section on my calendar called Northern Exposure on Friday nights. I order in food or make something decadent and enjoy my couch, while watching Northern Exposure. It’s my favorite part of my week. The real exhale after working five days. Maybe that looks like an afternoon walk a few times a week. Or a Sunday afternoon nap. The main point is that rest often seems optional compared to our work, but when we are intentional in setting time aside for it, it’s more likely to happen.
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Make time for daily joys
If you spend every week waiting for the weekend, you will spend a lot of your life disappointed. Daily joys are key! On mornings where I feel rushed, it’s as simple as morning cup of tea. Other times, if I have an hour or two, it’s my quiet time and then reading a fiction book in bed. In the evening, it could be a light sitcom or cooking a delicious meal. You may feel like the daily joys don’t matter much, but they keep you afloat just enough that you’re not putting so much pressure on your weekend to fill you up.
Give it time
A major realization for me this year is that I’m often seeking moments of spaciousness, particularly in regards to time. Getting lost in a book for hours without needing to set an alarm to rush somewhere. Waking up without an alarm. Living your life in structured blocks takes away a lot of joy and whimsy, and I think many of us want to have agency over our time.
Instead of packing your evenings or weekends with fun things, just let yourself get lost in one thing. Game night with friends on Thursday night for as long as everyone wants to play. A walk without any urgency to go home and do chores. Even cleaning, not as a task to rush, but as a way to give your home some attention for a little while.
If we slow our pace and let things take time, we can find ourselves breathing deeper and come away more rested than if we bopped around town doing all the things we wished to do.
A question to ask yourself
If you are feeling resistance at the idea of allowing margin to be an intentional part of your days, I want to ask you – Are you okay being interrupted? In your commute to work? On your way home? While you’re cooking dinner? How would you respond if someone asked for a favor from you in the busy times? How you respond says a lot about how much margin you are experiencing and whether or not you need more. Our willingness to be interrupted really calls out our selfish natures and this desperation for more time because we don’t feel like we have enough of it. We are usually much nicer people when we are well-rested.
There are definitely times where there aren’t enough hours in the day to do as we need. That’s a yellow light that we need to pay attention to because if we find ourselves living busy years with no adequate rest, we are on our way to burnout.
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What sounds fun to you?
This question originates with Annie F. Downs of That Sounds Fun podcast fame. I do love her podcast and highly recommend it! But what sounds fun to you these days? Go and do that. Maybe it’s hiking to challenge yourself physically. Or taking a retreat to come to a place of peace. Or taking dance classes and getting more active. Maybe it’s hosting a dinner with friends and lingering at the table with dessert. When we can move beyond what we have to do, we get to figure out what we want to do! And that’s always fun.
Let yourself be bad at it, whatever it is, especially if it’s something new. If it’s painting or pottery, don’t let your love for it be determined about how good at it you are. In our work, we have no choice but to be good, but it’s freeing to let go of that expectation all of the time. Be bad at it and rejoice!
Margin is a gift
On the surface, margin just seems like a ploy to have more time to scroll or watch TV. Margin is actually letting yourself have some room so your deeper desires can make themselves known. Have you ever asked a teenager what they want to do? Or an older adult what they’re really longing for? Or anyone ever what they would like to eat?
We have free time and we get to make decisions with our time. Margin gives us the space to live less in the realm of decision fatigue. When you’re tired, you lack clarity and you’ve already exhausted all your decisionmaking skills. But at rest, it’s a lot clearer to you what you really want and why.
If there’s any reason to make margin a key part of your life, it’s that deeper connection to yourself to really listen to your desires and follow them.
Signing off,
Gigi
